It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize