pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
