She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize