Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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