Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
