i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
