I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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