i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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