becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
