i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
