An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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