my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
