he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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