Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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