I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
