u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
