That's when you crack a 10am beer
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
