He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
