No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
