I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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