I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm both gender and math confused
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
