you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
