He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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