i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize