Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
