So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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