he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
