First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
