My nipple is on Facebook.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
