i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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