At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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