well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
