My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
