so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
