thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
