Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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