My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
