i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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