So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
