This dress was meant to end up on your floor
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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