i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
