She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
