dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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