so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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