I'm pants shitting drunk right now
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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