Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
