The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
