I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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