whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
