the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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