I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
