happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
