Swine flu. Run for my life!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
