is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm passing your future prison.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
