also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
