You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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