Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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