the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
