I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
