found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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