If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
