I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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