A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
