If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
