So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
