Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is wine microwaveable?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need a beard to bite.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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