I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
