it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
