I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
