i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
