i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
