hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
