When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
