This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
