Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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