I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
