Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
