idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
