I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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