I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
